Listen / Hear
By
C. Mitchell Carnell, Jr.

An ancient proverb states, "God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."

Sir John Browne, CEO of BP Amoco states, "Listening is as important as speaking in international commerce."

Jesus said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

This quote attributed to Jesus provides evidence that even in those early days there was recognition that not everyone wants to hear.

Charles Stanley, seen regularly on television from the First Baptist Church in Atlanta, punctuates his messages by admonishing his audience," Listen!" Stanley recognizes that his audience drifts in and out of attention.

I am astonished that I often have to remind graduate students in an interpersonal communication course to listen when fellow classmates are presenting. Somehow the material in the textbook or from my lectures doesn’t translate into a change in behavior. If you have watched the so-called debates between the Republican or Democratic candidates for president, you already know that they are not listening to each other. They have already decided that they know what each other thinks and thus they come with their canned responses.

In the increasing babble over flying the Confederate Flag over the statehouse in Columbia neither side is listening to the other. In addition the state legislature has turned a deaf ear to the majority of the people, the mayors of the major cities in the state, the Chamber of Commerce and all of the major religious groups in the state.

Just being quiet is not listening. Fidgeting while I am talking is not listening. Active listening means paying attention with your entire being to what I am saying. Active listening means withholding judgment until I have finished my comments. You must engage your ears, your eyes and your brain. Listening is hard work that is why most of us are so poor at it.

Most of your business related problems would vanish if you would really listen to your customers and employees.

Most of our social ills would disappear if we paid attention to each other. Teenagers tell us in overwhelming numbers that no one listens to them. My own research in three states supports that conclusion.

Teachers tell us that they are not heard by either students or administrators. They are frustrated because school boards bring in highly paid consultants to tell them what is wrong and how to fix it, but they never ask the teachers. When teachers volunteer the information, it is not heard.

Would you like to startle your religious leader? After the next service you attend instead of telling him or her how much you enjoyed the message, pick out one idea and say to him/her, "I was interested in your treatment of …" and state the point. Watch the expression on his/her face.

If you want to improve your life, your relationships and your business now, start talking less and listening more now. You don’t need to buy anything. You do need self-discipline.